Americans with No Abilities Act!

on . Posted in Humor and Inspiration


WASHINGTON - February 13, 2008 - A Congressional bill sponsored by Harry Reid (D-NV) proposes sweeping legislation which will provide new benefits for many of our neglected and impoverished citizens, namely the Americans with No Abilities Act (AWNAA).  A bill that is being hailed as a major legislative goal by the Democratic Party and advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer.  "We can no longer stand by and allow people of no ability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of gifted workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance effectiveness.  Rep. Pelosi pointed out that approximately 84 percent of postal employees exhibit no job skills whatsoever, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of persons of inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against inept and incompetent workers include retail sales (52%), the airline industry (48%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (45%).  Two of the leading 'fast food'  franchises share a firm hold on first place at 81% each.

At the state government level, Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of hiring persons of little or no ability (73%). Even the Transportation Security Administration has a high record, hiring up to 88% of its staff with little or mostly no ability.

Under the Americans with No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle no management" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles, but little real responsibility, thus reinforcing the illusory sense of purpose and performance.

The AWNAA mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the least gifted employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of persons of inability into middle-no-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two more talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled by banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut turner at the General Motors plant in Flint, Michigan, owing to her lack of any discernible job skills.  "This new law should really help people like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other talent challenged citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy said, "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that we elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

Eulogies

Eulogy for an Angel
1992-Dec. 20, 2005

Freedom
2003-2018

Freedom sm

My Father
1918-2010

brents dad

Dr. Stan Dale
1929-2007

stan dale

A. Solzhenitsyn
1918-2008

solzhenitsyn

Patrick McGoohan
1928-2009

mcgoohan

Joseph A. Stack
1956-2010

Bill Walsh
1931-2007

Walter Cronkite
1916-2009

Eustace Mullins
1923-2010

Paul Harvey
1918-2009

Don Harkins
1963-2009

Joan Veon
1949-2010

David Nolan
1943-2010

Derry Brownfield
1932-2011

Leroy Schweitzer
1938-2011

Vaclav Havel
1936-2011

Andrew Breitbart
1969-2012

Dick Clark
1929-2012

Bob Chapman
1935-2012

Ray Bradbury
1920-2012

Tommy Cryer
1949-2012

Andy Griffith
1926-2012

Phyllis Diller
1917-2012

Larry Dever
1926-2012

Brian J. Chapman
1975-2012

Annette Funnicello
1942-2012

Margaret Thatcher
1925-2012

Richie Havens
1941-2013

Jack McLamb
1944-2014

James Traficant
1941-2014

jim traficant

Dr. Stan Monteith
1929-2014

stan montieth

Leonard Nimoy
1931-2015

Leonard Nimoy

Stan Solomon
1944-2015

Stan Solomon

B. B. King
1926-2015

BB King

Irwin Schiff
1928-2015

Irwin Schiff

DAVID BOWIE
1947-2016

David Bowie

Muhammad Ali
1942-2016

Muhammed Ali

GENE WILDER
1933-2016

gene wilder

phyllis schlafly
1924-2016

phylis schafly

John Glenn
1921-2016

John Glenn

Charles Weisman
1954-2016

Charles Weisman

Carrie Fisher
1956-2016

Carrie Fisher

Debbie Reynolds
1932-2016

Debbie Reynolds

Roger Moore
1917-2017

Roger Moore

Adam West
1928-2017

Adam West

JERRY LEWIS
1926-2017

jerry lewis

HUGH HEFNER
1926-2017

Hugh Hefner

PROF. STEPHEN HAWKING
1942-2018

Hugh Hefner 

ART BELL
1945-2018

Art Bell

DWIGHT CLARK
1947-2018

dwight clark

CARL MILLER
1952-2017

Carl Miller

HARLAN ELLISON
1934-2018

Harlan Ellison

STAN LEE
1922-2018

stan lee