Church Bloopers

on . Posted in Humor and Inspiration


They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletin Bloopers! These sentences (as typed) actually appeared in church bulletins.

  1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
  3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someonewho is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  5. Don't let worry kill you off -  let the Church help.
  6. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  13. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
  17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
  19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
  21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
  22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Eulogies

Eulogy for an Angel
1992-Dec. 20, 2005

Freedom
2003-2018

Freedom sm

My Father
1918-2010

brents dad

Dr. Stan Dale
1929-2007

stan dale

A. Solzhenitsyn
1918-2008

solzhenitsyn

Patrick McGoohan
1928-2009

mcgoohan

Joseph A. Stack
1956-2010

Bill Walsh
1931-2007

Walter Cronkite
1916-2009

Eustace Mullins
1923-2010

Paul Harvey
1918-2009

Don Harkins
1963-2009

Joan Veon
1949-2010

David Nolan
1943-2010

Derry Brownfield
1932-2011

Leroy Schweitzer
1938-2011

Vaclav Havel
1936-2011

Andrew Breitbart
1969-2012

Dick Clark
1929-2012

Bob Chapman
1935-2012

Ray Bradbury
1920-2012

Tommy Cryer
1949-2012

Andy Griffith
1926-2012

Phyllis Diller
1917-2012

Larry Dever
1926-2012

Brian J. Chapman
1975-2012

Annette Funnicello
1942-2012

Margaret Thatcher
1925-2012

Richie Havens
1941-2013

Jack McLamb
1944-2014

James Traficant
1941-2014

jim traficant

Dr. Stan Monteith
1929-2014

stan montieth

Leonard Nimoy
1931-2015

Leonard Nimoy

Stan Solomon
1944-2015

Stan Solomon

B. B. King
1926-2015

BB King

Irwin Schiff
1928-2015

Irwin Schiff

DAVID BOWIE
1947-2016

David Bowie

Muhammad Ali
1942-2016

Muhammed Ali

GENE WILDER
1933-2016

gene wilder

phyllis schlafly
1924-2016

phylis schafly

John Glenn
1921-2016

John Glenn

Charles Weisman
1954-2016

Charles Weisman

Carrie Fisher
1956-2016

Carrie Fisher

Debbie Reynolds
1932-2016

Debbie Reynolds

Roger Moore
1917-2017

Roger Moore

Adam West
1928-2017

Adam West

JERRY LEWIS
1926-2017

jerry lewis

HUGH HEFNER
1926-2017

Hugh Hefner

PROF. STEPHEN HAWKING
1942-2018

Hugh Hefner 

ART BELL
1945-2018

Art Bell

DWIGHT CLARK
1947-2018

dwight clark

CARL MILLER
1952-2017

Carl Miller

HARLAN ELLISON
1934-2018

Harlan Ellison

STAN LEE
1922-2018

stan lee