Tax-time devil's dictionary of DC lingo!

on . Posted in Patriot News Network

WASHINGTON (PNN) - April 15, 2015 - April 15 is the day each year when Amerikans are most likely to slander Washington. Unfortunately, the city's nebulous nomenclature deters citizens from recognizing exactly how well their elected leaders serve them.

To bridge the gap between the nation's capital and the Amerikan people, here is Washingtonese translated into the vernacular:

Principled — profitably pliable with pious pretenses
Historic — different than last week
Unprecedented — different than last month
Emergency — the gift that keeps giving
Transparency — a pledge ritually made in lieu of full disclosure
Inspector General — honorary figureheads placed over federal agencies to foster the illusion that nothing can go amiss
Laissez-faire — any economic relationship not yet under complete federal control
Truth — whatever people will swallow
Majestic — whatever people bow to
Legacy — any political boast that survives more than three 24-hour news cycles
Idealism — an incantation that expunges all past warnings about political power
Kleptocracy — thieving foreign politicians (not valid domestically)
Precedent — a perfidy entitlement
State of the Union address — annual fact-flogging keystone of the Pundit Relief Program
Sovereignty — legal synonym for impunity
Czar — a political tool whose appointment and grandiose title can temporarily deflect criticism of a bureaucratic quagmire
Due process — any government process that gives troublemakers what they deserve
Gross Domestic Product — a long-running statistical burlesque invoked to justify perpetuating calamitous policies
Taxation — preemptive protection from pecuniary temptation
Handout — a government benefit received primarily by the supporters of the other party
Misgovernment — an imaginary occurrence which only imbeciles and rubes believe exists
Ethics — a Swiss-cheese set of rules that almost always pre-absolves political business-as-usual
Non-partisan — fervently prejudiced against everything except Republicans and Democrats
Mandate — whatever a winning politician can get away with
Honorable — any public figure who has not yet been indicted
Bill of Rights — (archaic) political invocation popular in 1790s
Fair play — any process in which politicians or bureaucrats pick winners and losers
Extremist — anyone who disagrees with or undermines official policy
Rule of Law — the latest edicts from a deputy assistant Labor Secretary or deputy assistant HUD Secretary
Patriotic — any appeal that keeps people paying and obeying
Waste — federal spending that fails to generate laudatory headlines, votes or campaign contributions
Corruption — any offense that can be profitably prosecuted to restore faith in "good governance"
Voting rights — any electoral arrangement which satisfies editorial writers without imperiling the dominance of Republicans or Democrats
Proof — allegations backed by campaign contributions
Pragmatic — any monumental bipartisan accord which keeps the gravy train flowing inside the Beltway for at least another 90 days
Constitutional — any White House action that fails to spur simultaneous armed uprisings in the majority of Red States
Freedom — whatever rulers have not yet benevolently prohibited
Humility — any politician who does not swear that both God and Jesus pre-ordained his reelection
Scofflaw — someone whose missteps can miraculously transform a prosecutor into a congressman
Hero — anyone who can boost Amerikans' trust in government by 2% or more
Respectable — anyone who vociferously venerates the Status Quo
Election — when voters are permitted to freely consent to one of the two aspiring despots offered by the major parties
Good faith — any pronouncement a government spokesman publicly recites without guffawing
Law — Any hodgepodge of commands and special interest windfalls heaved together under a misleading title which is rubber stamped by Congress and fails to make five Supreme Court justices visibly retch
Cynic — anyone who expresses doubt about the latest bipartisan agreement to gradually eliminate the federal budget deficit over the next 117 years
Anarchist — anyone who advocates across-the-board spending cuts of more than 3.63%
Injustice — any purported private abuse that provides a sufficient pretext to enact new legislation promising to rid the nation of evil
Scurrilous — anyone who mentions previous federal failures when the president proposes glorious new programs
Liberate — Appending new criminal penalties to the statute book to rid citizens of the latest vice identified by Beltway visionaries
Legitimacy — whatever

Eulogies

Eulogy for an Angel
1992-Dec. 20, 2005

Freedom
2003-2018

Freedom sm

My Father
1918-2010

brents dad

Dr. Stan Dale
1929-2007

stan dale

MICHAEL BADNARIK
1954-2022

L Neil Smith

A. Solzhenitsyn
1918-2008

solzhenitsyn

Patrick McGoohan
1928-2009

mcgoohan

Joseph A. Stack
1956-2010

Bill Walsh
1931-2007

Walter Cronkite
1916-2009

Eustace Mullins
1923-2010

Paul Harvey
1918-2009

Don Harkins
1963-2009

Joan Veon
1949-2010

David Nolan
1943-2010

Derry Brownfield
1932-2011

Leroy Schweitzer
1938-2011

Vaclav Havel
1936-2011

Andrew Breitbart
1969-2012

Dick Clark
1929-2012

Bob Chapman
1935-2012

Ray Bradbury
1920-2012

Tommy Cryer
1949-2012

Andy Griffith
1926-2012

Phyllis Diller
1917-2012

Larry Dever
1926-2012

Brian J. Chapman
1975-2012

Annette Funnicello
1942-2012

Margaret Thatcher
1925-2012

Richie Havens
1941-2013

Jack McLamb
1944-2014

James Traficant
1941-2014

jim traficant

Dr. Stan Monteith
1929-2014

stan montieth

Leonard Nimoy
1931-2015

Leonard Nimoy

Stan Solomon
1944-2015

Stan Solomon

B. B. King
1926-2015

BB King

Irwin Schiff
1928-2015

Irwin Schiff

DAVID BOWIE
1947-2016

David Bowie

Muhammad Ali
1942-2016

Muhammed Ali

GENE WILDER
1933-2016

gene wilder

phyllis schlafly
1924-2016

phylis schafly

John Glenn
1921-2016

John Glenn

Charles Weisman
1954-2016

Charles Weisman

Carrie Fisher
1956-2016

Carrie Fisher

Debbie Reynolds
1932-2016

Debbie Reynolds

Roger Moore
1917-2017

Roger Moore

Adam West
1928-2017

Adam West

JERRY LEWIS
1926-2017

jerry lewis

HUGH HEFNER
1926-2017

Hugh Hefner

PROF. STEPHEN HAWKING
1942-2018

Hugh Hefner 

ART BELL
1945-2018

Art Bell

DWIGHT CLARK
1947-2018

dwight clark

CARL MILLER
1952-2017

Carl Miller

HARLAN ELLISON
1934-2018

Harlan Ellison

STAN LEE
1922-2018

stan lee

CARL REINER
1922-2020

Carl Reiner

SEAN CONNERY
1930-2020

dwight clark

L. NEIL SMITH
1946-2021

L Neil Smith

JOHN STADTMILLER
1946-2021

L Neil Smith